Never enough time in the day. Holidays, work, family – – never enough. But Amanda Ramirez and Velveeta Shells & Cheese are changing that for us – – forever.
You see, the Shells & Cheese label says “ready in 3½ minutes,” but Amanda noticed it actually takes longer. 3½ minutes is how long it sits in the microwave. That doesn’t include peeling back the lid, pouring in the water and yummy dry cheese powder, and stirring. Maybe another 15 seconds. So, the 3½ minute label is a BIG FAT ARTIFICIAL-CHEESEY LIE.
Now, when Amanda figures this out, she is steamed. Does she gripe to her husband – – no. Does she complain to Velveeta – – uh. Does she write her congressperson – – not a chance. Amanda does what any other red-blooded American consumer would do: She files a 5-million-dollar federal court class action against Kraft/Velveeta.
But Amanda not only wants to save us time – – she wants to save us money, too. Her lawsuit says Velveeta’s 3½ minute lie empowers them to sell their Shells & Cheese at a premium food price – – $2.38. Now, I never saw Velveeta as a premium food. Sometimes, I questioned whether it’s food at all. But Amanda has set me straight there too.
Amanda not only wants the label “corrected,” she wants Velveeta to pay punitive damages, too. As if eating the stuff wasn’t punishment enough.
Velveeta calls Amanda’s bold and daring lawsuit “frivolous.” Oh yeah, if it actually only took 3½ minutes rather than 3 minutes 45 seconds, and you ate it twice a day for a week, you’d have 3½ minutes added back into your life. You’d be fat, and maybe dead, but you’d save 3½ minutes.
So, the message is clear: Amanda Ramirez is courageously working for us all, solving first-world problems.
How far will Amanda’s case get? Hard to say. Depends on if the judge thinks about it for more than 3½ minutes.
