What does a battery have to do with a bigger penis? Everything. Stay tuned.
TV and the internet bombard us with dietary supplement advertisements promising bigger bosoms, biceps and buttocks from just taking a pill (Americans have a more-is-better hang-up). A lot of people buy into this advertising, thinking that since there’s so much of it, and since FDA hasn’t put a stop to it, there must be some truth to it. (Plus, it’s a “truth” they want to believe).
The Food Lawyers® Insight
Thirty years of practicing FDA law has taught me that if the dietary supplement label doesn’t claim to do something important, like cure cancer or arthritis (which would deter people from seeking real cures), FDA just doesn’t have the time to get involved. Producing larger body parts just doesn’t measure up, so it’s “Party on Garth” as far as FDA is concerned. And as a result, some number of consumers will spend money on pills and powders each year for getting bigger, harder or whatever – – and it just doesn’t work. And that’s the way it’s been for a long time and looked to continue.
Enter Angela Bolger. You’ve probably never heard of Angela. I hadn’t; mostly no one had. She has a degree in molecular biology and biochemistry and works at Naval Medical Center, San Diego, as a Clinical Research Associate. She’s a licensed Emergency Medical Technician. All-in-all, a very solid citizen.
Angela bought a $12.30 Lenoge laptop battery from Amazon.com that exploded and seriously burned her. After she was released from the hospital, Angela sued manufacturer Lenoge and Amazon.com. Faced with litigation, Lenoge folded faster than a cheap lawn chair on wet grass – – never appearing in the case. When Amazon.com was the last man standing, Jeff Bezos raised his tried-and-true defense: We didn’t make the battery, and Angela knew that when she bought it. We’re just a platform bringing together buyers and sellers. Tough luck about getting burned by the battery we sold you, Angela. I need to get back to my $400 million dollar superyacht (sleeps 22 plus a crew of 54). It’s double parked with the motor running.
pictured: Angela Bolger (photo courtesy of Times of San Diego)
And that defense worked for Bezos and his superyacht every time – – until this time. Because this time, Bezos’ defense went up to the California Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals which told Amazon.com: Not so fast there. You aren’t just a buyer/seller platform. You advertised the battery and gave it an Amazon rating. The consumer can only communicate with the manufacturer through you. You receive the product, warehouse it, receive the payment, ship the goods and provide the Amazon “A to Z” guarantee. Consumers are putting faith in Amazon.com. Now, you have to stand up and be accountable. You’re just as liable as the battery manufacturer.
And the world stopped rotating for Bezos and his superyacht – – and his jet planes, and all the rest of his toys and cronies. Because Bezos realized that now, for the first time, Amazon.com was going to be held accountable for all the products it sells.
Now, Bezos is anything but a Bozo – – he’s a very smart boy. And Amazon.com knows that under FDA law, dietary supplement producers are supposed to have proof to support their products’ safety, but that FDA doesn’t have the resources to check the safety of every supplement on the market. Up to now, Bezos didn’t care. He was making money without risk. But Angela had changed that. So, shortly after losing to Angela, Amazon.com demanded that all of its dietary supplement suppliers send Amazon.com proof of their products’ safety – – including the ones promising to produce bigger body parts – – something Amazon.com had never done before. Amazing what a little accountability can do.
So, what have we learned?
- We’ve learned that Bezos and Amazon.com have known all along they were selling some sketchy dietary supplements promising all kinds of things (better sleep, losing weight, and yes, bigger parts), but since Amazon.com wouldn’t be held responsible for safety, they didn’t care. They were pocketing profits. But Angela Bolger and her $12.30 laptop battery changed that forever – – even though Amazon.com tried to kick her to the curb. This tells us a lot about the culture and leadership of Amazon.com.
- We’ve learned that there might be more honesty going forward on Amazon.com about dietary supplements. But, here’s the trick. Amazon.com isn’t monitoring whether the supplement does what it promises (like producing bigger body parts). It just means the “magic” ingredient is safe, not that it works. So Amazon.com will still be selling snake oil.
- The next step will be to hold Amazon.com responsible when the snake oil doesn’t work. It’s going to be a brave new world for Amazon.com and other internet platforms when they are for the first time being held responsible for the promises made by all the products that line their pockets with cash.
You won’t find the connection between a $12.30 battery, Amazon.com’s new dietary supplement policy and bogus dietary supplement claims anywhere but in this blog. We’re The Food Lawyers®. It’s what we do.
Thank you, Angela. You’ve made the world a better place by taking a stand. I’m thinking that about now, Jeff Bezos is sitting on his yacht, looking out at the ocean, and wishing he’d treated you better.