I’m doing 73 in a 55 zone, watching out for Highway Patrol, and this makes me think of Parmesan cheese. It’s how your brain works when you’re The Food Lawyer®. Speeding reminds me of Parmesan. Here’s why.
Class actions were filed claiming Kraft’s “100% Grated Parmesan Cheese” is falsely labeled because it contains cellulose made from wood pulp. Kraft makes big bucks putting wood pulp in 100% grated Parmesan cheese because wood is a lot cheaper than cheese and wood pulp is heavier than cheese – – great because Kraft sells cheese by the pound. There’s no dispute Kraft’s grated Parmesan contains wood, but the claim was dismissed because what is meant by “100% Grated Parmesan Cheese” is unclear. Really? Here’s a direct quote from the Judge:
“100% Grated Parmesan Cheese” was ambiguous, because it could mean a product contained 100 percent cheese, or that 100 percent of the cheese was Parmesan, or that the Parmesan was 100 percent grated.
According to this Judge, “100% Grated Parmesan Cheese” doesn’t necessarily mean “100% Grated Parmesan Cheese.” Is he stupid? Nope, he’s smart like a fox. He’s appointed for life in Chicago. Kraft’s corporate offices are in Chicago. Little Italy (turf of Al Capone, Jimmie “the Weasel” Fratianno and other mafia luminaries) is in Chicago. And if that isn’t bad enough, the ruling prevents anyone else from ever suing Kraft for selling “100% Grated Parmesan Cheese” containing wood pulp. Now, that’s taking care of friends in the ‘hood.
Here’s another one: Castle Cheese not only put wood pulp in their “100% Parmesan Cheese,” they were careful to never put any Parmesan cheese in their “100% Parmesan Cheese.” It was a blend of cheap cheese scraps, milk proteins and, of course, wood pulp – – which together tasted just like parmesan cheese. Castle sold this throughout the U.S. for nearly 30 years. They ended up paying a $1 million fine (they made a lot more than that in 30 years of cheating). CEO Michelle Myrter paid a $5,000 fine (I bet Michelle’s shoes cost more than that) and she performed some community service in a “soup kitchen.” Bottom line: They got a light slap on the wrist.
Is Parmesan fraud still going on? Well, yeah. Recently, an Italian family-owned cheese company in Wisconsin retained me to solve a thorny technical problem with FDA. When I was finished, they said, “You’re really good at this FDA stuff,” and asked me to help them label bogus Parmesan cheese. I’m listening and visualizing cement slippers and the Chicago River. Chicago again. No Thanks.
So, how to keep from being ripped off? Easy. Don’t buy grated Parmesan cheese. Instead, buy a piece of real Parmesan – – it can be identified by the words Parmigiano-Reggiano embossed all over the rind. Grate it yourself and you’re in for a treat. If you’ve never tried it, The Food Lawyers assure you it’s really special.
And one more thing:Never, ever, ever order veal parmesan in Chicago. You just might be getting pulp fiction.